It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
