Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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