He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
