I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
