feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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