last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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