Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
