she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
