i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
