Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
