is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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