Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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