Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
