i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
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