FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
