Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
