Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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