and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
