the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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