I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
