Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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