oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
he puts the penis in happiness.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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