I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
