its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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