My nipple is on Facebook.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
