There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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