So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize