You work out of a Hotel?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
