You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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