she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Please don't give away my fajitas
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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