I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
