somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The beer is more important than you right now.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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