honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
