I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize