If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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