We're like a lot better than the average bears
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
