The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
