so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
