Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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