Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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