Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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