life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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