got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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