if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
