OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize