Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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