too bad you live with your parents still
Michael Bay diarrhea
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
