I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
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