"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize