if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
