this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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