If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
