there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
So much Jack, so little girl.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
