dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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