I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
