There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
