you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
