Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
