Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
It was confusing and full of hummus
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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