If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
