If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
