I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
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