why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
