More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
