Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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