she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
