It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
